Not sure about my career direction.
I really would like a love reading.
Seems dead in that area and has been for awhile.
I also am not good with meeting new people.
Very distrusting right now.
Went through a lot in a previous relationship which is still not finished due to legalities.
And although I have no reason to I really miss my soon to be ex-husband.
I love him but he does not feel the same and I wonder in hind sight if he ever did.
He was fine until we started planning the wedding.
Closer it got seemed he had no regard for me or my feelings.
Felt like even though I was in a relationship the weight was always on me.
After humiliating me at my wedding in front of my family and friends I still tried
to make it work but it was down hill from that point on and we seperated.
After a year and a half of lonliness I crossed the line with an old friend.
Worst mistake of my life. Now he has a girlfriend. I know my mistakes contributed to it.
I was just worn down. In hind sight I wish I had had more patience and understanding.
Or would that have even helped. I tried to motivate and encourage him just couldn't reach him.
So I signed him into the military. Now however is doing great.
But wants no part of me. He talks to me cruelly and has allowed this ghetto girlfriend of his to do the same.
That was the last straw. Ive blocked him from my phone and emails.
I Should I throw in the towel but how do I move on? and to what?
Why does this bother me so much?'
Will he always hate me?
Why all the hate hostility and cruelty? Why the need to punish me and when will we be even.
He expected me to forgive his mistakes and I finally did.
Why cant he forgive me. I did a lot for him including his citizenship and military career.
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