Lately I have been debating whether or not I should skip a day of class, take a taxi (since I have no car yet) and visit the technical college I was at late ****/early ****; if I do go visit it was going to either be late January or early February. I'm still not set on a day yet. When I attended that school I had an amazing time. Now I’m in this university and - although I have managed to make some friends - I still feel quite lonely often. I don’t feel I have that tight, close bond with anyone. I feel like I’m just… here. I just keep thinking about doing this more and more as of late; I don't know if it's something I should do or not.
Anyway, I am hoping if I do go to visit, I am really really hoping I will see my crush again, who I have not seen or been able to talk to in nearly a year. Although I am stupid and pathetic for still feeling this way, I wouldn’t be lying if I said I think about him quite often, and that I still miss him very much. I'd also love to see some of the teachers, my best friend and acquaintances I had! I met a wide variety of people, of all races, religions, backgrounds and ages. Part of me thinks this is the exact thing I need to lift my spirits and whatnot (since I have been going through a severe depression for around six months now) while part of me thinks it will be a waste of time, because:
*) the people I actually came to see and wanted to get back in touch with may not be there the one day I go. As I said earlier, I haven’t talked to most of the people, such as my crush, in nearly a year, so for all I know, he could be at the other side of the world for all I know.
*) it will just remind me of all the reasons why I miss being there so much, and why I don’t like being in this university right now.
Part of me knows I should move on; after all, nobody I really cared deeply about (like my crush and the people I was becoming close to friendship-wise) bothered to keep in touch after school was over - but part of me refuses to let myself move on. After all, it was the happiest I had been in a LONG time (possibly ever) and I was treated with so much kindness... I think part of me feels like the story with me and some of these people is not over.
I know this sounds like a silly question to ask advice or something for but I really have been debating this; if you hang around me well enough (or even just a little) then you know I tend to agonize over the smallest decisions. I also want to get opinions (and information) from as many as possible before I do something stupid!
Thanks for answering in advance!!
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